Wounded
by elfmaiden4legs
Summary: ****Story inspired by the song 'Wounded' by Third Eye Blind. Could be seen as a compaion piece for my other post SR fic Silent Sufferance. Starsky's POV as he watches Hutch struggle to come to terms with Starsky's shooting and move on from Gunther's attack!


**Wounded**

Hutch, I know Gunther's bullets hurt you more severely than you'd ever care to confess… I see the pain in your eyes every day and it tears me apart to see you suffer, but your hell has got nothing to do with me. The whole time I was in a coma in the ICU I was completely oblivious to everything… pain free, fear free. Those few days of hell were your hell Hutch… those terrifying first few days of uncertainty, I felt no pain… how can I make you understand that?

I know you think that time will heal us both, and perhaps it can, given a chance, heal the physical scars left by Gunther's bullets, but the emotional damage I see every day that you've sustained is going to take much longer to heal… I can only hope that one day soon you will feel strong enough to talk, open up to me and let me know what's going on in that troubled mind of yours.

We miss the old you Hutch, the happy, relaxed, independent and strong willed person you used to be… I miss my partner, and best friend. I miss all the god times we've shared together over the years; dinner and beer at Huggy's, double dates, and knowing that either one of us was only at the other end of a phone line if we ever needed help. I miss all the trials we've come through which have tested the strength of our friendship, all the people who have tried to weaken and divide us not realising that all they were succeeding in doing was making us stronger… well, they haven't broken us yet Hutch, are you really going to let them break you now?

You used to tell me everything, we used to tell each other everything; about what we were thinking, how we felt. Now I can see the distance in your distracted expression, so frequently you look so far away… and most of the time you look at me as though you're afraid I might break. I can see it in your eyes that you're scared to talk, to tell me what it is that's eating you up inside, but I'm strong enough to help you bear your burden buddy… I promise you I'm not going to shatter. I can be strong enough for the both of us! A few words a day could lessen the load in the long run, but no matter how long it takes I'll be waiting and when you're finally ready to talk I'll be right here ready to listen.

I see you carrying the weight of your load alone; suffering in silence… sometimes you look as though you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. You're so tired, although I know you try to hide it, but you can't hide the dark circles under your eyes, or your pale and prominent cheekbones, your sunken appearance… You're losing your fight for life, relinquishing the will to carry on weighed down by the load of the emotional burden which you carry… and day by day all I can do is stand back helplessly and watch as you slowly give up.

I know you still have nightmares… I can see it in your face that you're afraid to sleep, afraid to close your eyes in case of what you might see, that you might relive every moment of that painful memory in your nightmares… and from the adjacent room I lie awake every evening and listen to you cry out in your sleep, as I realise that you dream of Gunther, of the police parking lot where our lives were almost changed forever, and it breaks my heart. I want nothing more than to reach out and comfort you, to put a reassuring hand on your shoulder and tell you that everything is going to be alright… but you seem so fragile I'm afraid to, in case to break down those barriers you've built up around yourself would be to break _you_, to break your spirit, and your resolve… and I realise that this is something which you've got to work out for yourself.

I wish I could just break down the walls which you've now sealed yourself within… to see you do all the things we used to enjoy together after a busy day spent patrolling the streets, to hear you laugh, to see you smile, to see your familiar face down at Huggy's again, head held high, and Gunther's name just a vague memory associated with a point in time which we survived… to show them all that you cannot and will not be broken.

Thee and me… you covering my back, knowing that I've got yours… the two of us back on the streets again doing what we both love to do, and what we do best. That's what I dream of… but I know we're both still a very long way off from that, we've both still got a long way to go yet partner.

You seem so sad, a shell of your old self, I'm afraid to let our old friends near you, even Huggy and Captain Dobey, in case you might break. I see the concern in their eyes for you, as they too see you suffer. But I know that friends are what you need around you at the moment, to help give you the strength to pull through… and I know that together we can beat this, and whatever emotional turmoil you're going through now will one day be nothing more than a dull memory belonging to a rich and colourful past.

Remember you've still got your pride partner, somewhere within you is still the strength to hold your head high, even when all those crooks out there think that we've been broken, that they've won… I know you're strong enough to show them that you cannot be beaten.

I know that you can put all of your fears behind you buddy… it's finally time to show them all what we're made of… to have them running scared from us again.

Don't give up on us Hutch, don't give up on everything we've worked for, everything we've fought for over the years. I want my partner and best friend back… and behind those blue eyes I still see flickers of the old you battling to get out… I can see that there's still fight left in you yet… you've got to cling on to that fight Hutch, for your own sake, for me… we've got to get back out on those streets again, doing what we both love to do, if not what else is out there for a couple of mugs like us? Hold on Hutch, I know you can make it…


End file.
